My life was great. I had a wonderful family who didn’t struggle with money, I did well in school and I had a boyfriend who I was happy with. So, what could possibly be wrong?
I was horribly depressed and emotionally isolated. I was “damaged goods.”
I loved my boyfriend so much that when he told me he didn’t want someone “emotionally messed up”, I hid my feelings.
However, I soon discovered that I could no longer pretend.
I felt that I just needed it all to end so, and that’s what I tried to do.
It wasn’t my boyfriend who called the ambulance, it was my ex.
It wasn’t my boyfriend who came to visit me in the psych hospital, it was my ex.
As soon as my boyfriend got the idea in his head that I wasn’t “mentally stable”, he ran away from me.
He hurt me so badly. He made me feel like I should be embarrassed about my disease and that no one would love someone with a problem like mine.
All I asked was that he loved me as much as I loved him. I needed just a little reassurance every now and then to put my mind at ease.
I now understand that he was not capable of loving someone with a disease. He was not capable of loving anyone except for himself.
I noticed that he started dating again just a week after we had broken up, and all I could think to myself was “why me?” Did my depression inconvenience him that much?”
After months of hurting, I started getting much better with time. Breaking up with my ex was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. I’m no longer burdened with feeling incomplete and I have found someone who loves me as I am.
He loves to reassure me of his love, he doesn’t believe I’m “damaged,” and tells me how I’m strong for beating something that for some people leads to suicide.
He was there for me even when I pushed him away. He lied beside me for days when I couldn’t get out of bed, and never left me alone when he was worried about me.
People like my ex-boyfriend are the reason that I was scared to talk about my mental illness. But not anymore.
I will not be enslaved to depression and anxiety nor will I allow them to consume my life.
If you are currently struggling with depression and anxiety, seek help.
Leave the people who make you feel “less than.”
Leave all toxic relationships that you are currently in and focus on yourself.
I know first-hand that you can in fact be freed from the emotional prison in your mind.
It is possible to overcome your mental illness, and get stronger.
One step at a time.